lost in the cosmos? sure.

the restlesness of soul has yet to settle. mel and i have talked about it for about 5 months now. our life feels out of sync... the way our toilet works, but constantly runs for some mysterious reason... the way the car starts everytime and maintains great gas mileage, but it's brakes cycle down slowly - only during cold weather... the way our fake-wood floor looks great, but buckles and bends everytime sometone steps on it... the little things little things that just constantly grind on you, reminding you that something isn't right.


when my latest read came around a year ago, i wasn't quite ready for it. but here i am a year older, and subversive orthodoxy has introduced me to new folks in "simple" ways. a great overview and synthesis of "christians in disguise." greatly enjoyed the author's take on the importance of "Christian" macrohistorical critics. but like a bonus doggie-bag from a buffet...

in this quote, from the conclusion of inchausti's book, do i find some solace:

"The function of the modern apostle, therefore, is to create the silent, contemplative spaces where individuals can experience the truth for themselves.
Technology, modern science, and political activism all run counter to this contemplative tradition, for they cannot comprehend the possibility that it is precisely when one is most successful and in control of one's likfe that one is most likely in the grip of an illusion."

i'm certainly not under any illusions of success, gradeur or control. i have no idea what could happen next week, next month, next year. i thought surely these "certainties" would have played themselves out (at least even a little bit by now), but nope. still feel like God is in control. he has to be because i am most certainly - not.

a final encouraging quote from inchausti,

"In this sense, faith is a cosmos, a psychological and spiritual space for knowing and experiencing God."