a confession

those who read this blog have become (or continue to be) my closest spiritual friends, confidants, and... confessors. hence this post.

this is the confession of my guilt. i hold myself in contempt many times for all that i'm not doing (and those others that i do), for all that i want to do or be but consistently fall short of. this plagues my mind and soul and creates a spirit that is anything but loving. it is truly a trap that i set for myself. there are those to whom i compare myself and never measure up. this comparison stems from a lack of a sense of self and general insecurity many times (not to mention the depression that creeps in numerous ways when i least expect it). i confess this to be honest with myself, to face my fears and to hopefully move on with my days, happy with and in who God has made me to be.

having a wife who is supportive and with whom i've learned to share myself has helped a great deal, and i think her for that. to you who read, i appreciate your encouragement along the way.

i spent time with friends in new mexico recently. the time was invaluable as a getaway from regular life and be reminded of how we all struggle along the way together. the single phrase that God wanted me to hear that week from his Word:

"the Kingdom of God is within you"

contemplation is a way of ingesting thoughts, words, ideas. as opposed to a simple understanding or studying, these words entered me and are becoming part of me. my time contemplating Kingdom gives me hope that, no matter my personal shortcomings, in every word action or deed i can usher in this eternal vast integrity to which words give little more than a imaginative spark to an all-consuming fire and waterfall called the Kingdom of God.

thank you for loving, for reading.

struggling, ushering -
s